talabesian-coordinates

Yo! How's Your Brain? IV: Genesis

2009-06-21T09:23:00.001-04:00

It was a dark and stormy night....no wait...that's another story.

At long (longer than originally intended, and yet the days and weeks have passed so quickly...) last, we have arrived. It is the dawning of the day; the rising of the sun; the birth of a nation; the beginning of a new world order; the genesis of an alternate universe of heretofore unimagined possibilities; the most miraculous of all miracles (except possibly some of the stuff that Criss Angel does--which is totally whack!). Yes, it is the moment you have been longing for: the time when the secrets of self-willed creation of brain matter finally and for the first time ever shall be revealed!! **

OMG!

Now, down to business. During the 1980's and 90's, advances in molecular biology and computer imaging allowed scientists to literally watch how and where the brain 'thinks'. Through experimentation and comparison, a startling fact emerged: certain specific combinations of sensory input and physical activity can do more than increase the efficiency of cognitive processes. They can actually stimulate the growth of new brain cells.

So there is a cerebral equivalent of muscle-building, which authors Manning Rubin and Dr. Lawrence Katz--in their book "Keep Your Brain Alive"--have dubbed 'Neurobics'.

The really cool things about this book are: 1) through concise summary of relevant scientific findings, it enables you to get a clear picture of what is going on (physiologically) in your brain during various types of activities; 2) it explains--in plain English--how Neurobics works; 3) it provides 83 Neurobic exercises that you can easily incorporate into your daily routine, any one of which will create replacements for your diminishing dendrites; 4) doing the exercises is fun; and 5) it is still in print, and is cheap -- just $8.95 from Workman Publishing or from your local bookseller.

And now, for your reading and self-regenerating pleasure, the three Super-Secret, Earth-Shattering Fundamentals of Self-Activated Neural Growth (emphasis is mine) are revealed!!

1. Involve one or more of your senses in a novel context. Blunt or negate the sense you normally use and force other senses to take up the slack. (example: take a shower with your eyes closed the entire time)

2. Engage your attention! Find ways to change things around at home or at work to make them new, surprising, and fun. (example: keep several small jars of scented oil next to your alarm clock, and each morning as soon as you shut off the alarm, select a jar randomly, inhale the scent, and free-associate.) Neurobics are especially effective if you engage your emotions.

3. Break up a routine but complex activity in an unexpected, non-trivial way. Novelty, by itself, is not Neurobic, but a new complex challenge can be (examples: navigate a completely different route to work without using a map; shop at a farmer's market instead of at a grocery store.)

So there you have it. The rest is up to you.

**At least, it's the first time at talabesian-coordinates.blogspot.com. The book was copyrighted in 1999, but this minor detail does not diminish the enormity of significance this revelation brings to this select, highly influential, and potentially neuron-depleted audience.

Yo! How's Your Brain? (part 3, April 15, 2009)

2009-04-15T00:03:00.001-04:00

The roaring success of this 'How's your brain' series has me thinking about starting a new business, and I have a great 'tag line': "Hello. I'm from the IRS, and I'm here to help!"

[sound effect: a five-poud slab of meat slams to the floor with a resounding thud]

On second thought, maybe I can come up with a better business name than 'Intelligence Restoration Service'.

OK, onward. I promised and now I must deliver:

[sound effects: crowd noises suddenly hush to a whisper; drum roll; trumpet fanfare...]

YES. There are ways to GROW NEW BRAIN CELLS, and you shall learn about then here!

1st Disclaimer: Don't anybody recommend me for a Nobel Prize or anything. I'm just repackaging existing information. Sources will be noted.

2nd Disclaimer: Serializing this 'How's Your Brain' thing has given me a new sense of personal worth--and also a taste of power over the innocent and ususpecting reader who, by the mere suggestion of a chance to cling a while longer to his or her puny intellect, can be lured back, time after time, to my dark and foreboding fortress of universal comprehensionality. mmmuuuuuaaahahaHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

Next time, bring your credit card, you worm.

Yo! How's your brain? (part 2)

2009-03-27T09:16:00.010-04:00

I had this great idea about patenting the use of Ramen Noodle 'bricks'
as a low-cost 'green' construction material, but I see that this is part 2 of a blog entry about your brain, so later.

If you heard someone say 'I think I'll go kill off some brain cells",
you'd assume they had serious drinking on their mind (or what's left
of it). But if someone said "I think I'll go grow some new brain
cells", it might occur to you that perhaps the poor wretch had
forgotten to take his daily dose of lithium. After all, we all know
that brain cells die off as we age and are not replaceable, which
inevitably leads to the dimming of the intellect, then forgetfulness,
and then a slow, inexorable descent into hopelessness, alienation,
anomie, and finally down, down, down into the black, bottomless abyss of dementia and 'Depends'.

Whoa! I'll be back in a moment. I need a drink.
[sound effects: clinking glass; pouring sound - short (must be the
hard stuff); another pour; faint vocal "ahhhh...."]

OK. Feeling better! Now here's the good news. Whatever you may have heard about the irreplaceability of brain cells has been proven wrong. Put down that shot glass and listen! I said WRONG! New brain cells can be grown--and I'm talking about in your brain, not in a petrie dish. Which means that we may, in fact, be able to forestall or even avoid entirely the ignominious transformation from dynamic and inspired to desiccated and incontinent.

But this transformation is not forestalled by mere injection of
industrial-strengh concentrations of Gingko leaf, nor by gobbling
the memory pills peddled with extravagant hyperbole on late-night
television. No, kind reader, the challenge requires some effort: No
Pain, No Brain! For the whys and wherefores, you must return to these same talabesian coordinates to read 'Yo! How's your brain! (part 3)

P.S. Don't miss the next mind-restoring episode! Subscribe! (right-
hand column)

Yo! How's your brain? (part 1)

2009-02-16T12:36:00.004-05:00

A man went to a doctor and asked about a brain transplant. The doc
said he could have a lawyers brain for $500, a doctors brain for $1000
or a politician's brain for $50,000. The man asked why the brain of a
politician would cost so much. The doctor replied, "Do you know how many of them we have to kill to find a good one?"

Since you have navigated your way to this particularly obscure set of
coordinates, I will assume that your brain is--in fact--a good one.
But how can you be sure it will stay that way? Given the ravages of
age, social unrest, economic instability, and a diet heavily dependent
on HoHos and Ramen Noodles, is it even possible to preserve mental
clarity into the golden years? Ask yourself this the next time find
yourself pawing around in the 'junk drawer' and suddenly you realize
you don't know what it was you were looking for.

OK, I admit that was a scare tactic. It happens to everybody.

Now, what was I talking about?

Oh yes, Ramen Noodles. Don't hesitate to experiment! Try adding real
food. Parsley flakes, for instance.

Random Coordinates: Jay McPhillips

2009-02-04T01:04:00.003-05:00

If you saw the movie "Smoke", you will recall Harvey Keitel's character telling one of his hapless confederates: "You know what? You need wit-therapy." If I recall correctly, that happened about 5 minutes into the film.

Cut to:

Scene: driving down a country road, cornfields to the left; wheat fields to the right; telephone poles recede into the distance, predicating a horizon lost in the haze

Period: mid 1950's

Action: 5 small, red, rectangular signs rapidly draw near, words come into focus.....

[It takes far]....[less time to learn]....[that Jay McPhillips]....[has wit to burn]....[Burma Shave]

No Wit-therapy needed by this guy. Jay is a congenial fellow with serious chops in the design business: big NYC ad agency right out of college; work appearing on buses and billboards and in Rolling Stone, the New Yorker, Details. 3 years at Comedy Central. And then, as other hopefuls clawed and scratched their way up the 'creative' ladder to assist in peddling Kibbles 'N Bits and hair goo, Jay--in serene, Benjamin Button-like fashion--worked his way down the food chain to arrive at a happier life in charming Doylestown, PA.

I will never forget my first meeting with Jay. We were having a lively introductory conversation when I noticed that his Ivy League T-shirt spelled out 'HARVERD', which prompted a laughing jag that nearly sent me to the hospital. Jay has a unique and angular sense of humor which he blends freely with his prodigious artistic talent and productive capacity. Such an array of gems! "Art Minis" in styles ranging from the Impressionists to Jackson Pollack ("Compare with Name-brand Artists" "They're Fun-Sized"), the aforementioned t-shirts, rebus bumper stickers, and three books, including the very timely "Now Firing".

I think he's worth a closer look, but hey, don't take my word for it....I'm just a former musician-artist-writer-marketeer-consultant-CEO guy. See for yourself at www.jaymcphillips.com.

Random Coordinates: Gregory Allan Turner

2009-02-01T23:34:00.002-05:00

This evening I hold in my hand a pre-publication draft of 'Syntactic Passages,' a book that reveals the work of heretofore unknown poet, Gregory Allan Turner. (It seems, in fact, that the extraordinary range and quality of Mr. Turner's poetic expression was heretofore unknown to even his closest friends--and perhaps even his family--for upwards of 30 years.)

Some of the passages are deeply moving, some wild, others stunningly vivid, and some so darkly steeped in passion they catch the breath.

Reading Mr. Turner's work was like encountering poetic cocaine. First a chill, then a thrill. Then amazement, mind racing, rapture, and wanting more and more until the suddenly the supply (once ample) is gone, and you know that you will have to come back for more, over, and over, and over again.

Syntactic Passages will be published March 2009. Meanwhile, you can read some samples at http://www.cybersaurus.com/passages/. I suggest "Surplice of the Field" for a start -- and you can click the audio link to hear the author's reading.

Why no fortune in this cookie?

2009-01-29T22:45:00.001-05:00

I have noticed, with some irritation, that I hardly ever get an actual
Fortune in a fortune cookie anymore. Instead, upon extracting the
little slip of paper, I am confronted with a platitude or self-help
suggestion--or an occasional bad joke. (example: "Klazy cookie
fortunes have you going around in circles.") And somewhere along the
way, there was the great idea to add lottery numbers to the back side
of the paper. Double your pleasure!

For a short while, some friends and I attempted to fill the fortune
void with amusing 'self-fulfilling fortunes': "You will soon be
settling a small debt." "You will soon be running to the bathroom." Or
the ever-popular "You will be hungry again in half an hour."

I had all but given up on even reading the things, when one day--lo
and behold, I cracked open the stale sugar-and-eggwhite shell and
found "You will become wealthier and wealthier."

Please send money.